Yes. I did it. I read the last book in the Twilight series. “But why”, you ask? I did, after all, trash the beginning of the series. I am a stubborn asshole, that’s why. And I got the book for free. Out of grim determination, I read the first set. So, it only seemed right to be able to review the series after reading them. All of them.
It’s like people who try to talk politics to you when they didn’t even vote. Get it?
So, let me begin by saying I am thrilled that a book (however bad) has encouraged a generation of people to read, much like J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series. However, Stephenie Myers doesn’t even touch Rowling as far as literary prowess goes.
Spoilers begin here:
The book began on a low note-the joining of two people in the lovely American institution of marriage. Because that’s what every girl should wish for, right? Your life really only begins when married, right? White dress, flowers, the whole bit? *Sigh* Pinch me!
It gets worse-Bella gets knocked up! She has a baby, Renesmee (Her mom Renee + Edward’s mom Esme) The kid’s middle name is Carlie (Her dad Charlie + Edward’s dad Carlisle). I’m trying to stop my eyes from rolling back in my head as I type this.
As much as she seems to be paying homage to her parents in that act, her mother is portrayed as a nervous, over excitable fool and her father is as useless as can be. In fact, Charlie is such a man that when told of Bella’s new condition (yeah she finally becomes a vamp) and her child, Renesmee (who ages quickly and will be an adult by age seven), Charlie puts his hands over his ears and starts mumbling to himself about only a “need to know” basis. He then deals by watching the rest of a football game. Wow. Well, I guess that makes it easy for Myers to work him in without really thinking about how he’ll deal with the situation. Did I mention that they never really explain what to tell mom?
In the end, Bella gets everything she wanted-Marriage, baby, and immortality. Thanks to Renesmee’s hybrid genes and accelerated growth, Bella doesn’t have to learn “maternal” things..no staying up all night with the baby or changing diapers here! Even better, she doesn’t have to deal with the bloodlust and unpredictability associated with “newborns” that was a common factor in Edward’s arguments against immortality in the first books. She seems to adjust and control herself just fine, no real explanation other than “Wow, I guess our stories about how awful it was really prepared her” and “I guess she was just cut out to become a vamp”.
OW. I just tripped and faceplanted in a PLOT HOLE.
Oh, and she got accepted to Dartmouth but we don’t hear about that the second half of the book. After all, what’s more important than having a baby first? I guess she does have eternity now…but most young mothers don’t. I know, I know, it’s a fantasy. But the message that happiness lies with marriage and children is wrong. So is that fact that Bella doesn’t give a damn about going to school. Good thing she has an endless supply of money, so typical of 18 year old moms.
I was impressed that Steph seemed to finally pull it together (took her 3 test books) to be able to write at least on a mediocre level. The characters are much more fleshed out, have real emotions, and the reader can (usually) empathize with them. In fact, the Edward Bella Jacob love triangle is finally broken and Bella quits cruelly stringing Jacob along for the ride. Unfortunately, he “imprints” on infant Renesmee–and is content. If only life was so easy that it could be tied into neat little packages like that. Bella also seems to “cowboy up” and isn’t so annoying–she actually wants to learn to fight for the oncoming war and it is Edward who won’t teach her because he just loooovess her sooo much and couldn’t possibly dream of teaching her techniques that may save her life!
Unfortunately, the same does not apply to plot. Apparently making creepy baby vamps like 8-year-old Kirsten Dunst is against vampire law. Thus, the law comes out in full force to eradicate the rumored threat. Renesmee is trotted out and witnesses give testimony, proving that she is not stuck in a childish phase forever; she is only part vampire. Again, it was anticlimactic as war was averted (fairly easily) and everyone went home happy.
Even the last chapter is called “Happily Ever After”. Seriously.
Tags: Breaking Dawn, Stephenie Myers
-
Isaiah
on September 3, 2008 at 8:02 pm I thought the name for this blog entry could be “How lazy writers avoid moral ambiguities,” and was correct. I agree with the thoughts presented in this critique wholeheartedly. Now, if I may, I’d like to lay out my complaints and try to keep them to the aforementioned title.
Moral Conundrum 1:
Edward believes that a vampire has no soul. Thus, he doesn’t want Bella to become a vampire, since he doesn’t want her to lose her shot in a heavenly paradise. The lazy writer can get out of this particular ethical labyrinth by creating a situation in which turning Bella into a vampire is the only way to save her life. The writer can then avoid other inconvenient problems like, “Did I steal Bella’s soul for my own selfish reasons?” by simply ignoring the fact that in her previous three novels, Edward was concerned about the state of vampires’ souls.Moral Conundrum 2:
Newborn vampires are bloodthirsty and cannot be controlled. Therefore, all newborns kill humans until they can control their urges. Lazy writers avoid giving their heroine this type of anguish by endowing her with a magical ability to not crave human blood. This helps avoid any guilt the heroine might feel for choosing her particular lifestyle and also helps her avoid any sort of consequence for her actions.Moral Conundrum 4:
This particular one annoyed me the most, since it had the most interesting possibilities. Bella becomes pregnant, but the state of the fetus is unknown. Since all experience points towards the fetus being a monster, Edward (as well as his family) think it best to get an abortion. (This word, by the way, is never mentioned. Its probably best that teenage girls never find out that their true loves are aware of medical procedures that terminate pregnancy!) Bella, however, wants to have the baby. The plot thickens when Rosalie and Esme are on Bella’s side. Further layers are added when we discover that the fetus is hurting/killing Bella. However, all the interesting subplots that might lead to an intelligent discussion of abortion can be avoided by the lazy writer by employing the following tactics: Allow Edward to read the mind of the fetus and realize that the fetus loves Bella and doesn’t want to hurt her. Now, both father and mother want the child. Secondly, instead of giving birth to a bloodthirsty monster, which might cause inconvenient feeling of regret, make the child a gifted prodigy who wouldn’t hurt anyone.Final Moral Conundrum:
Although the careful reader will find more missed opportunities, I’ll end with this one. (warning, it is probably the least founded of my “conundrums,” but I think it has interesting possibilities.) Its turns out that the vampire leadership (aka the Volturi) are corrupt. Although thy keep the peace/law, they also bend it to suit their needs. The Romanian clan, would like nothing more than to usurp the Volturi and now have a cause/the means to do it. It is possible, however, that the Romanians are worse than the Volturi. If they enacted a coup for the sake of Edward and Bella’s child, the latter might feel guilty for the reign of terror their selfishness began. The lazy writer can avoid exploring relevant themes like supporting the lesser of two evils by allowing the conflict to resolve peacefully and prevent a regime change.All in all, the lazy writer doesn’t need to have characters whose actions have consequences. Every decision Bella made was good and she has no cause for regret. Even the Jacob love triangle was resolved. It is hard work to avoid real conflict.
-
admin
on September 5, 2008 at 7:51 am Your title is apt–here’s another one from Lillith Saintcrow (Dante Valentine series, check them out!) that I enjoyed: Edward Saves Bella From Absent Father And Flighty Mother, Ushering Her Into Teh Perfekt Nuklear Fam, In Which It Is Okay To Suck Blood Because Our Wimmins Are In Their Place And Everyone Is Sporty/Pretty And Camps A Lot.”
Her thoughts about a weak protagonist and never recommending this series to her daughter are much like mine–just more eloquent..probably due to being an author and all..
2 comments
Comments feed for this article
Trackback link: http://www.wasthistheface.com/2008/08/dartmouthchopped-liver/trackback/